
When a flat battery is not the battery
Half the batteries we are called out to are fine. Usually it is the alternator or a drain.
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Nobody rings a mechanic and says “my nearside lower control arm bush has failed”. They say it makes a noise over bumps. Here is what each of the common ones usually turns out to be.
A noise on its own tells us very little. A noise plus when it happens usually narrows it to two or three things before anybody has touched the car, which is why the first question is always about circumstances rather than sound.
Before trying to describe the sound, work out which of these it matches. It is worth more than any adjective.
The one-line version
Tell us when it happens before you try to tell us what it sounds like. When narrows it far faster than the adjective does.
By a wide margin the most common call we get, and by a wide margin the most over-diagnosed. Everybody assumes shock absorbers. It is usually not the shocks.
A light knock or clonk over speed bumps and potholes, worse at low speed, is typically a drop link — a small part connecting the anti-roll bar to the suspension. They are cheap, they are quick, and they are the first thing we check.
A heavier, duller thud, often with vague steering, points more towards a control arm bush. Worn shocks tend to produce float and bounce rather than a distinct knock, and they usually announce themselves by the car carrying on moving after a bump rather than settling.
These are worth separating carefully, because two of them are routine and one is not.
A car that pulls to one side under braking is a different problem again, usually a sticking caliper, and it is worth sorting quickly because it wears one side out fast.

If the pitch tracks your road speed rather than your engine revs, you are looking at something turning with the wheels.
A droning hum that gets louder from about forty and changes when you steer gently left or right is a classic wheel bearing. Swinging the car slightly usually makes it louder one way and quieter the other, which also tells us which side it is.
An even hum that does not change with steering is more often tyre wear, particularly the sawtooth pattern that comes from an alignment problem. That one gets cheaper to fix the earlier it is caught, because the tyre can sometimes be saved.
Rev the engine while parked. If the noise follows the revs, it is being driven by the engine rather than the wheels.
A squeal on start-up that fades as things warm through is usually the auxiliary belt or its tensioner. A rhythmic ticking that rises with revs can be normal injector noise on a diesel, or it can be a timing chain starting to stretch, which is a much bigger conversation.
A rattle for the first two or three seconds from cold on a chain-driven engine is worth getting looked at sooner rather than later. It rarely gets better on its own, and the cost of catching it early against catching it late is not close.
Most noises mean book something in. A few mean pull over somewhere safe.
If you are unsure which category you are in, ring and describe it. That conversation costs nothing and takes less time than reading this page. If it turns out to need us, diagnostics comes to your address, and if it is brakes we can usually do it on the same visit.

Half the batteries we are called out to are fine. Usually it is the alternator or a drain.
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Between fifteen and fifty thousand miles, and how you drive decides it more than what you bought.
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No, and the regulation that says so has been in place since 2003.
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Diagnostics runs mobile across the whole patch. Most noises are identified on the drive in under an hour, and the diagnostic time comes off the repair if we do the work.